Over the past week, a new basketball craze has been sweeping the nation. Fans everywhere are standing from their seats in awe as high level athletes are making unheard of shots; and no, the shots are not being taken by Steph Curry from the parking lot. Since they’re not coming from the NBA, surely they must be out of college basketball, right? Wrong again. The days of the NBA and NCAA running the show as the best spectator-friendly presentation of basketball are over, and I am going to tell you why. Mini-basketball is being played in college dorm rooms across the country, and it is far superior to any other form of the sport currently known to mankind.

Let me first start by drawing you away from the lifeless and boring games of basketball which we have become so accustomed to. First off, the NBA is an association founded on lawlessness in which players can do legitimately whatever they want. I mean, what does a coach in the NBA honestly even do? When you have LeBron James making up his own plays until the coach is fired, it can clearly be seen that there is no method to the madness. Mix this in with the fact that the mythical rule against the “travel” is virtually nonexistent, and you have a sad excuse for a sport.

Now while disproving the NCAA’s legitimacy as a basketball league may be more difficult to do, I am determined to do just that. Now don’t get me wrong, I love to watch college basketball as much as the next guy. However, it is a league founded off of exploiting athletes by means of stealing all of their profits. I mean seriously, the “non-profit” NCAA produces millions of dollars in revenues for the schools the athletes attend, as well as the television networks that present the games. Meanwhile, the players who create this value don’t receive a penny in return. As a result it is only logical that mini-basketball be seen as superior, as it is a game based upon good morals.

I am sure you are dying to know what this game of mini-basketball entails, and I am here to tell you. First off, it should be known that there is one rule that encompasses all aspects of the game: you can do whatever the hell you want. Do you want to play a one on one game against your roommate with full contact? Perfectly acceptable. A simple game
of HORSE that only allows you to bounce the ball? Even Better. There is no Adam Silver to weigh you down as you try to have fun, and definitely no sanctions involved around betting on the game. If anything, betting is encouraged when it comes to mini-basketball. Why even bother body-checking your roommate into his desk en route to a highlight-reel dunk if there isn’t a six pack on the line. Evidently, there is no better game of basketball on this wonderful planet than mini-basketball. So do yourself a favor: go grab a hoop and a ball, start playing, and never watch another NBA game again.